Wednesday, February 18, 2009

If I'm Really Awake, Is There Still A "Need" For Partnership?

What is so "Enlightened" about relationship? Isn't "Enlightenment" enough?

A recent clash with a spiritual teacher brought me face to face with this question. Like oil and water, the view of monk life and from that place, of celibacy disturbed me and when push came to shove, I found my core Amazon like strength to disengage from this teacher's fierce stance steeped in dogmatic ideas as my own voice of clarity awoke. Relationship with the opposite sex is the most powerful force that has stimulated my growth in awareness. That includes times when I am not "in relationship" with someone, which represents very precious time spent relating to life "as if all of life matters", because, well, it does.

The draw to partner is very strong for me... and I've wondered about that... Is it normal and healthy to be so powerfully motivated by male/female relating? And, have you ever askedd yourself this one: 

If I am to be fully awake, would I still have a need for a relationship? 

Would a guy still feel drawn to a me? Would I, as a woman still feel incomplete without a guy?

What's your experience? Questions? Your comments are so appreciated... what you have to share may be exactly what another person needs to hear to make a shift in their life to be more awake, more at peace, more alive...

From Erkhart Tolle's Power of Now when speaking on Enlightened Relationships:

Enlightened or not, you are either a man or a woman, so on the level of your form identity you are not complete. You are one-half of the whole. This incompleteness is felt as male-female attraction, the pull toward the opposite energy polarity, no matter how conscious you are. But in that inner state of connectedness, you feel this pull somewhere on the surface or periphery of your life. Anything that happens to you in that state feels somewhat like that. The whole world seems like waves or ripples on the surface of a vast and deep ocean. You are that ocean and, of course, you are also a ripple, but a ripple that has realized its true identity as the ocean, and compared to that vastness and depth, the world of waves and ripples is not all that important.

This does not mean that you don't relate deeply to other people or to your partner. In fact, you can relate deeply ONLY if you are conscious of Being. Coming from Being, you are able to focus beyond the veil of form. In Being, male and female are one. Your form may continue to have certain needs, but Being has none. It is already complete and whole. If those needs are met, that is beautiful, but whether or not they are met makes no difference to your deep inner state. So it is perfectly possible for an enlightened person, if the need for male or female polarity is not met, to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness on the outer level of his or her being, yet at the same time be totally complete, fulfilled and at peace within.

What is Self Love? Help or Hinderence?

I spotted a New Age magazine last night... the February issue... with its red cover and headlines proclaiming the power of Self Love... I'm often curious about what is meant by Self Love... In my own experience, I have had to develop an awareness of what is "good for me" and what is not "good for me" and the path that has helped me to lean towards more of what is good for me has been the path of Self Love. I'm embracing moving towards beauty and away from things that are not beautiful. What about the concept of Self Love will support that and what about Self Love will hang me up?
Asked another way:  What is the truth about Self Love? What is the truth about having a good relationship with "yourself" before you can have a good relationship with others?

Reprinted From Erkart Tolle's The Power of Now when speaking on Enlightened Relationships

If you cannot be at ease with yourself when you are alone, you will seek a relationship to cover up your unease. You can be sure that the unease will then reappear in some other form within the relationship and you will probably hold your partner responsible for it.
All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.

But do you need to have a relationship with yourself at all? Why can't you just be yourself? 

When you have a relationship with yourself, you have split yourself into two: "I" and "myself" - subject and object. That mind-created duality is the root cause of all unneccessary complexity, of all problems and conflict in your life. In the state of enlightenment, you ARE yourself - - "you" and "yourself" merge into one. You do not judge yourself, you do not feel sorry for yourself, you are not proud of yourself, you do not love yourself, you do not hate yourself, and so on. The split caused by self-reflective consciousness is healed, its curse removed.

There is no "self" that you need to protect, defend, or feed anymore. When you are enlightened, there is one relationship that you no longer have: the relationship with yourself. Once you have given that up, all your other relationships will be love relationships.