Wednesday, February 18, 2009

If I'm Really Awake, Is There Still A "Need" For Partnership?

What is so "Enlightened" about relationship? Isn't "Enlightenment" enough?

A recent clash with a spiritual teacher brought me face to face with this question. Like oil and water, the view of monk life and from that place, of celibacy disturbed me and when push came to shove, I found my core Amazon like strength to disengage from this teacher's fierce stance steeped in dogmatic ideas as my own voice of clarity awoke. Relationship with the opposite sex is the most powerful force that has stimulated my growth in awareness. That includes times when I am not "in relationship" with someone, which represents very precious time spent relating to life "as if all of life matters", because, well, it does.

The draw to partner is very strong for me... and I've wondered about that... Is it normal and healthy to be so powerfully motivated by male/female relating? And, have you ever askedd yourself this one: 

If I am to be fully awake, would I still have a need for a relationship? 

Would a guy still feel drawn to a me? Would I, as a woman still feel incomplete without a guy?

What's your experience? Questions? Your comments are so appreciated... what you have to share may be exactly what another person needs to hear to make a shift in their life to be more awake, more at peace, more alive...

From Erkhart Tolle's Power of Now when speaking on Enlightened Relationships:

Enlightened or not, you are either a man or a woman, so on the level of your form identity you are not complete. You are one-half of the whole. This incompleteness is felt as male-female attraction, the pull toward the opposite energy polarity, no matter how conscious you are. But in that inner state of connectedness, you feel this pull somewhere on the surface or periphery of your life. Anything that happens to you in that state feels somewhat like that. The whole world seems like waves or ripples on the surface of a vast and deep ocean. You are that ocean and, of course, you are also a ripple, but a ripple that has realized its true identity as the ocean, and compared to that vastness and depth, the world of waves and ripples is not all that important.

This does not mean that you don't relate deeply to other people or to your partner. In fact, you can relate deeply ONLY if you are conscious of Being. Coming from Being, you are able to focus beyond the veil of form. In Being, male and female are one. Your form may continue to have certain needs, but Being has none. It is already complete and whole. If those needs are met, that is beautiful, but whether or not they are met makes no difference to your deep inner state. So it is perfectly possible for an enlightened person, if the need for male or female polarity is not met, to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness on the outer level of his or her being, yet at the same time be totally complete, fulfilled and at peace within.


tinque said...

We as humans are naturally drawn to connect with others, especially in love unions. We are love, or at least we are born as love. Love is an inextricable part of us, so we seek it. Most of us seek it to fill a void. If and as one works to be as complete as possible within self, "true" love for want of a better expression becomes more and more available. We will still attract and be attracted to those who force us to confront what still needs work, and if we have the courage, we will dig in and do the work. Love attracts anything unlike itself to be healed. If two people in relationship both work to heal, imagine the possibilities. I'm here to say anything is possible and then some. Rori is proof of this as am I.
Love and hugs,

Gayla D'Gaia said...

Hi Tinque! Thank you for your beautiful comments!

It is spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically powerful to consider the courage to consciously dig in and do the work. I'm so happy you brought this up and that you have had what sounds like miracles in your relationship from doing the work.

What I'd like to share with everyone tomorrow is some incredible insight I had about the role of trauma as it comes up for one or both people in relationship. There is a special relationship between "therapist" and "client" discussed in the book, Trauma and Recovery... it is a discussion about therapist who work with people who lived through Nazi concentration camps. Tomorrow, I will share the stages discussed in that section... because I feel it will shed light on the various stages anyone might encounter when trauma surfaces and I'd like to offer some compassionate questions about the process of discernment of what work we are realistically prepared to dive into and what working with the combined forces of our own and another's wounds while in a love union or a sexual union or a combination of those two together.

I'd also like to pose some questions and offer some reflections about what is meant by, if two people both work to heal, imagine the possibilities. I love you contributing that statement... and I'd like to open that topic up a bit more... I'd love to hear more about any insights you would like to share about the course you took towards making the choice/commitment to do the work. I know I can draw upon your courage and wisdom!

I know that when two people align in love, passion, purpose and in a commitment to heal, more is possible, more beauty, more love, more truth, more intimacy, more wholeness... more being our authentic selves...

Personally, I'm totally scared of the men who want my love... I'm telling myself that not one of them could possibly be the man I could love with all of me and be happy and be loved by and be loving to for the rest of my life. I'm in the process of forgiving... being awake to energy stored in my body and energy bodies that I can free up, release and revitalize... uncovering the pure state of love as my natural state of being.

We are love and love takes many forms...
Much love to you, Tinque!

Gayla D'Gaia said...

BTW: I'm so happy that you are here! It's a total delight to have your comments and your presence! Yeah!

tinque said...

Hi Gayla,
Well, interestingly and not surprisingly it was what for me a trauma that propelled me onto the latest and likely the most difficult lap of my journey.
I realized and pretty much in an instant that I was living a half life, guarded, numb, and in pain in that numbness, and I also knew in that moment that I always knew but avoided that truth.
I invite you to look at my blog The whole story is there in as a condensed a version I could manage.
I welcome your thoughts and comments.
My partner, an amazingly patient man, watched me on my journey, quietly, silently supportive, and as a progression from one working on self in this way, the other naturally grows and changes along with as long as they are open and wanting to deepen. This is how two people grow together and better. We've been together seven years in April, and things just keep getting better and better in all ways. I don't think he has been consciously aware that I'm the impetus, but he is aware of his increasing sensitivity, sexually more obviously, yet in other ways as well. I do believe that men take our lead in these affairs. It's not that they can't deepen and grow alone, but it is more easily facilitated by the presence of a woman, and maybe it's mutual, yet I still believe we begin the process, and men come for the ride if that's what they desire.
Hugs, tinque

Gayla D'Gaia said...

Wow Tinque... You've given me the inspiration to write that post about the journey of being with another person's trauma! I love your sharing about this last lap... It sounds so comforting to me... Yes! To go from wanting to break free of all conditioning to finding myself tapping into someone else's numbness to carrying that with me for years... to a foray into pure desire to exposing softness and vulnerability to withdrawing completely... to wanting like a little girl again to be loved... to distaste and disregard for men and sex to being awakened... to healing others... to being left feeling used... to making war on the whole idea of relationship... to dropping out of the game to entering back in, hopeful but somehow denied... to carefree... to cynical... to closed down... to reemerging into love and danger zone... to allowing love and healing and then, being completely betrayed... to here... finding a way to be at peace inside myself... before the ((hopefully)) last lap into complete surrender of all this pain of unmet core needs.

this is a powerful dialog... thank you Tinque... I'm tender right now... glad to get that out there and to know, you are there.

Bless you for your courage...
Bless me for mine... as well as the courage it takes for anyone to look at this cycle of pain and stop it long enough to reorient and sincerely heal... You amaze me!

Love to you,

Gayla D'Gaia said...

Wow! the conversations are waking up here! This makes me happy :)

tinque said...

You're very sweet, and I so appreciate your loving words. I wish I could say I'm home free whatever that is, but this is a journey. We never get "there" wherever there is.
Your ins and outs, out cycling through what seems like a maelstrom of emotions, some of them contradictory, yet they're not. It's all part of the soup as Rori call it, the bid cauldron of emotions, all of which we can draw on or be drawn to, and it's all good. Swim in the soup and watch your feelings shift and change, transform. One of the keys is to allow all the feelings, all of them. Resistance creates blocks.
I love your comment that at one time you wanted to be loved like a little girl. I still do and feel so very fortunate that in a sense I am even though I'm also loved powerfully as a goddess woman. I dreamed of this for many years in the dark it would happen yet knowing it would come to be.
I say I feel lucky, but as good friend pointed out and rightfully so, I worked very, very hard for i. I worked on me, and the work continues.

Linmayu said...

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm never going to get "there." I have such a strong drive to get "there" or to go around telling people I'm already "there" and they should come join me.

I guess the truth is that I AM already "there" because the journey is the destination and all that good stuff.

I am feeling like the world is hurtling on towards a wave of acceptance of open relationships--and with that, REQUIREMENT of open relationships. So many people who call themselves spiritually conscious are into polyamory and while I can see why that makes sense to a lot of people and I respect their choice, I DO NOT WANT it for myself, nor do I want a partner who wants it. I do not want a relationship in which I feel betrayed. (Your e-mail address was what prompted me to post that, enlightened monogamy is exactly the kind of relationship I am interested in finding.)

I'm looking forward to your future posts!